Consumers
for
Christ
An Ecumenical Retail Fellowship · Operating with the Blessing of the Ministry of Eternal Affairs
Brethren in commerce,
For some decades now you have known us by our banners. We have walked the precincts, the arcades, and the great glass atria of this nation — witnessing, kneeling, and waiting upon the Lord between the fountains and the food court.
The waiting is over. By the grace of the Ministry and the goodwill of the Comptroller-General, the Fellowship is at last preparing to open its own doors.
Soon you may procure, by mail or by terminal, every grade of indulgence the modern soul requires — partial, plenary, pre-blessed, and post-purchase. Coveting, blasphemy, and sloth will be processed at competitive rates. Mortal sins require supplementary documentation. Volume discounts apply.
A confession has been filed for every grievance. A balance has been struck. Pre-orders are now accepted from members in good standing.
Yours in Christ and in commerce,
The Fellowship Council
Submissions reviewed at the sole discretion of the Council.
Processing times may vary. Refunds are not, and have never been, available.